I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
