hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
