If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
