i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
