How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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