My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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