I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
