I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
