So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just cropdusted the office
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
