how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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