I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
