hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
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Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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