I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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