i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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