I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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