I wanna bring you to show and tell
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
