I just cut my nipple shaving
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
