he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
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