All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
