Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
