I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
