Nicole vs. Life
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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