True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
