Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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