4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize