it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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