I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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