I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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