the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
