I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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