How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
