it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
