i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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