it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
