Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
