do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
