i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
