My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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