A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
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He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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