I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My pussy is not your playground.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
i out mim tonsoeep
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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