the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
