My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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