i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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