this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just want nice things and good sex
Is Oprah even human
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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