Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
