i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
