Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
