i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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