Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
