My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dear god my vagina.
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