He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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