butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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