I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
