He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
