my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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