meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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