I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
