Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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