He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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