My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
where am i from again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
