I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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