he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
