Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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