i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize