her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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