Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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