i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
it was like eating out sand paper
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
