I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
