Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
